As I was working out tonight, I was thinking about why I have been pushing myself so hard at the gym. Why do I push myself to the verge of collapsing? I know there are greater rewards down the road, but what is it in the back of head that keeps pushing me to succeed. I've been that way most of my life. When I decide to do something, I go all in. As I look back, I either put my absolute all into something, or just decide it's not for me and quit. In high school playing football, I was consumed with it, and became a team captain. I had jobs where I pushed myself to the limit. I didn't stop until I became either a lead or a manager. When my boys played in little league football, I wasn't happy just being a dad on the sidelines, I became a coach and the president of their league. When they were in band, I became the booster president. I would volunteer to dive the bus. There were many times I would get up at 4:00 a.m., go to work, get off at 2:00, drive straight to school, get on a bus and drive 60 kids to the other side of the state. Get back to school at 1:00 a.m., and finally crawl into bed around 2:00 a.m., only to get up at 4:00 the next morning and go back to work. In church, I just didn't want to show up. I played guitar in during the service. I was the youth pastor, and I even preached a little bit. I can't be happy with just being along for the ride, I want to be the one driving. When I finally decided to change my life style, I went into my familiar mode. All or nothing. I joined Weight Watchers, and then I joined a gym, where I work out 5 to 6 nights a week. Then to add to the madness, I started writing a blog. I couldn't be just happy with just showing up to my meetings once a week, and just blending in. I had to go all in again.
It's something I've been pondering for a while now, and the other night while talking to my nephew, it finally came to me. Why do I keep following the same cycle? It's all because of my Dad! He had the same attitude. Whatever he did is was all in. He would go head first, balls to the wall every time! It didn't matter what he did, he wanted to be the best at it, whether it was work or having fun. Once I got thinking about it, I realized how many examples he showed me. He used to chop and sell firewood. He always had to have the best price, then he would deliver it, and it always had to be stacked a certain way. It had to look good. When I was a teenager, we mowed yards and did landscaping together. He would get up before dawn, go do his regular job, then we'd go out after school and we'd work till after dark a many of night. He would run me into the ground. Then he'd get me up early on the weekends and we'd work till dark again. He always wanted the yards mowed and trimmed a certain way. He always wanted his yards to look the best. When he finally decided to go to church, he would mow the yard and landscape it for free. Drive the church van, or clean the church. He did whatever there was to do at the church. He was even the Sunday School president for a while. The only thing Dad couldn't do at church was sing, and those who sat by him know that is a fact! He had the attitude that all I may do is clean toilets, but not only are mine going to be clean, but they're going to be the cleanest you ever seen! He gave his all in everything he did. It was his examples that I have been following my whole life! If he was still here, I know he'd be proud of everything me and Melody accomplished so far.
I hear his voice in my head all the time. When I do something I'm proud of I can hear him say, "Awright!" If it is something stupid, it was usually, "Dad-gum it boy, pull your head out of your butt!" I heard that a lot too. As the days go on, and the pounds come off, I know he'd be happy, not only for finally getting off my butt, exercising and getting healthy, but that I was putting my all in!
Love you Dad!
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