Being fat you learn to develop defenses. Everybody has their own. It's a skill you learn and, it develops out of necessity. Mine is humor. I would always tell fat jokes about myself. I would do this out of fear that somebody would say something bad or rude about me. Why give them the chance, when I can say something funny about myself and not let them hurt my feelings. My poor wife and kids have lived through them all over and over again. "Limp Bizkit wrote a song about me. It's called, I got rolls, and rolls, and rolls." "Me and the Michelin man are twin brothers!" My personal favorite is, "I got the body of a God, unfortunately it's Buddha!" Now don't get me wrong, I love to make people laugh. Seeing a big smile or hearing someone laugh really makes me happy.
As a young kid, I wasn't excepted at all. I had ADHD, before there was ADHD. The cure back then was a paddle. I was always in the hall for not sitting still, talking in class, or tons of other stuff. That labels you as a trouble maker. When you get labeled like that you have no friends. You don't have sleepovers or get invited to birthday parties. I wasn't very athletic either as a kid. Couldn't run fast, or throw that well. I would watch the other kids laugh and have fun while I was sitting next to the teacher during recess, or I was getting picked last in all the games. Something inside me always wanted just to be liked. In high school, I thinned up and started playing Basketball, and Flag-Football. After high school I got married and then started putting on the weight. Then before I knew it, that little kid that just wanted to be accepted came back.
The looks you get from people when your overweight can be brutal at times. The snickers you can hear behind your back. Not being included because I wouldn't portray the right image. Its really tough. It's taken me most of my life, but I have a great group of friends who except me for me. It through their help, that I will finish my journey and accomplish my goal. My goal is a long weight away. I have never felt more driven as I am now. I have people telling me things to try and giving me words of encouragement.
I have to lose the equivalent of a full grown man. I've been thinking about a scene from the movie Major League. It's where the bring a cutout of the owner and remove a piece of her clothing every game they get closer to winning the pennant. I been thinking of doing something like that, but doing a fat man. Every time I lose 25 lbs. I remove a piece of fat, till at the end it reveals a skinny man or maybe doing something like the Salvation Army and maybe drawing a man and filling it in till I reach my goal. I haven't figured it out, just thinking.
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