I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

Being fat you learn to develop defenses. Everybody has their own. It's a skill you learn and, it develops out of necessity. Mine is humor. I would always tell fat jokes about myself. I would do this out of fear that somebody would say something bad or rude about me. Why give them the chance, when I can say something funny about myself and not let them hurt my feelings. My poor wife and kids have lived through them all over and over again. "Limp Bizkit wrote a song about me. It's called, I got rolls, and rolls, and rolls." "Me and the Michelin man are twin brothers!" My personal favorite is, "I got the body of a God, unfortunately it's Buddha!" Now don't get me wrong, I love to make people laugh. Seeing a big smile or hearing someone laugh really makes me happy. 

As a young kid, I wasn't excepted at all. I had ADHD, before there was ADHD. The cure back then was a paddle. I was always in the hall for not sitting still, talking in class, or tons of other stuff. That labels you as a trouble maker. When you get labeled like that you have no friends. You don't have sleepovers or get invited to birthday parties. I wasn't very athletic either as a kid. Couldn't run fast, or throw that well. I would watch the other kids laugh and have fun while I was sitting next to the teacher during recess, or I was getting picked last in all the games. Something inside me always wanted just to be liked. In high school, I thinned up and started playing Basketball, and Flag-Football. After high school I got married and then started putting on the weight. Then before I knew it, that little kid that just wanted to be accepted came back. 

The looks you get from people when your overweight can be brutal at times. The snickers you can hear behind your back. Not being included because I wouldn't portray the right image. Its really tough. It's taken me most of my life, but I have a great group of friends who except me for me. It through their help, that I will finish my journey and accomplish my goal. My goal is a long weight away. I have never felt more driven as I am now. I have people telling me things to try and giving me words of encouragement.

I have to lose the equivalent of a full grown man. I've been thinking about a scene from the movie Major League. It's where the bring a cutout of the owner and remove a piece of her clothing every game they get closer to winning the pennant. I been thinking of doing something like that, but doing a fat man. Every time I lose 25 lbs. I remove a piece of fat, till at the end it reveals a skinny man or maybe doing something like the Salvation Army and maybe drawing a man and filling it in till I reach my goal. I haven't figured it out, just thinking. 

Start of the Journey

There comes a point in someone's life when you have to realize things aren't right. This video was the start of that realization for me. Being born and raised in Oklahoma, you get used to severe weather. Severe thunderstorms, severe winds, severe heat, severe cold, and even severe tornadoes. 3 of the most severe tornadoes in history have been within minutes of my house. I may be one of the stupid ones. I like watching them. If one is near, I want to watch it. This video happened to be one of those days. I was at work when we issued a Code Black and started corraling everybody to the center of our store. I bolted outside to help watch what was going on, and report to the managers that were inside. Of course, I watched with my phone. Taking pictures and several videos. Watching as the wall cloud moved within in a mile from us and even saw a brief spin up on the ground. I was so excited! I couldn't wait to get home and post the videos on Facebook. I came home and started previewing which ones I wanted to post, then I noticed it. About every second I could hear it. It wasn't the sirens blaring or the winds blowing. It was me. I could hear myself breathing. It wasn't a simple breath, but a heavy, labored breath. I was shocked! I wasn't running, or had been doing anything prior to shooting the video. All I was doing was walking. I watched all the videos I had shot, and in everyone I was breathing loudly. So loud, it sounded like I had been running a race. I was so embarrassed that I never posted any of the videos till now.  

Why now? Two reasons. First, I must make my self accountable to more than just me. It will to easy to cheat or over eat if I am only accountable to myself. I need other people to be there and to see my struggles. I don't want to quit this time. I got a goal and I want to reach it. I am going to be brutally honest with my feelings and my thoughts. You will be the pillow I scream into, The shoulder I lean on, The knee for prayer or the slap across the face. I need more than just me this time.

Second, I have to actually admit I have a problem.  As an alcoholic must admit he has a problem, so do I. That's the first step. I can't say, "I'm not like the others, I only eat the occasional cheeseburger on the weekends." I'm the guy who has a cheese cake hidden in a ziplock baggy in the tank of my toilet because I don't want no one to know how bad my problem is.

Hi. My name is Randy and I am a foodaholic. 

Okay. First step accomplished. Only ten million to go. Do I expect them to be easy. No, but I got to take each one at a time. I don't expect a lot people to read this except my Mom. Thanks Mom. I love you. Any others I will except you as Co-Pilots. Help me follow the right path. Grab the wheel if I start toward the ditch. Get me to the finish. As my friend Todd Steele put it, "go from a Fat Ass to. Bad Ass!" I so want to be a Bad Ass!

I was thinking of a great way to motivate my self on the Journey, and the only way
I could think of was given by Kris Kringle in "Santa Claus Comes to Town." Be it ever the corniest example ever, I'm such a nerd, that it suits me. So watch and enjoy, and thanks for being there for me!

Now here is my weight loss song!